oh you did it

i trew up again. the first time since i think 2months.
yeah...what should i say...
i cooked my dinner. and it was too salty. but i ate it anyway. like a mashine. i didn´t really taste it. i didn´t really notice what i was doing.
and after that i felt horrible. this ugly food in my stomach. panic. panic. panic.
i thought about this before, if it´s worth it, if i should really do this, but then there was the point where it doesn´t matter anymore, where only the fact is important, that this ugly food is in your stomach, that there is something in your stomach, that you´re feeling so horrible, that everything is horrible.
after my visit on the toilet everything´s horrible, still, and i´m feeling like that, still, but at least the food isn´t in my stomach anymore