flashpoint

i bought a scale
finally
now it feels like i´m back. like this is the point where i could say it´s starting again.
even though it started so long before again. was it ever really over...however
i lost weight! really. and it´s brilliant.
of course i´m feeling fat always, but now i always know that i´m doing something against it and that it´s starting to work.
my fridge looks funny. vegetables, fruits, low fat curd cheese, some juice, water. that´s it. i depolluted everything else when it started to mildew because i didn´t eat it anymore.
i´m feeling strong somehow. it feels right. it feels like there is something again. and i know that something good is coming in the future. something which is worth it. i´m so excited for these moments when i will see smaller numbers again and these weight-goals i want to reach.
i can feel my hip bones much more than before. i love it.
i´m trying to hold on to these things. i don´t want to think about all this shit everywhere. this damn job. this guy who fucked me. this ugly disgusting feeling because of that. the emptiness. this whole thing called existance.
instead
i´m loosing weight!