cause and effect

still the same weight.
and i still don´t understand that.
but however
as i learned during my first ana-time i know that i´m getting thinner without loosing weight on the scale. i can see it again. i can feel it again.
i can see bones again which were not visual before. i can feel all my bones much more again. some clothes are roomy now. when i was swimming last week i was afraid to loose my panties. the water was flowing through the gap between my hip-bones. hell. what a great feeling.
and my ass got smaller. (i can see that on my panties, too)
so
the point is that i´m trying to put all my concentration on these facts. because then i´m not getting too upset because of this damn weight. weight. weight. weight.
it´s ONLY A NUMBER. important is what you can SEE. nobody can see the number (without me standing on a scale in front of anyone - and this will not happen). but everybody can see parts of my body which are not hidden behind roomy clothes.
there is a wonderful beautiful new boy in my life.the first thing he said about my body was
"you have beautiful legs"
i thought i misunderstand him.
next
"beautiful stomach"
hell he´s crazy
those two parts of my body which i hate the most!
and he said many times how beautiful my body is.
strange
(but as we all know the word"beautiful" means something different in a world like ours...just like the word "thin")
i wonder if he would still think it´s "beautiful" if i would be a little bit more fat...
nevermind. that´s not the fact right now.
by the way the two scales i have are damn shit. they are still showing different numbers at the same times. maybe i lost weight but they don´t show it? argh, i need to know that...
however, i will work on every day.
i have to!