sentimental standard-shit

i´m getting drunk right now, calories in addition, yes, and that´s what i´m trying to drink away...
it seems as if the whole day just consits of eating, no eating, thinking about food, comparing calories, counting up the things i ate and drunk, thinking about the next thing i will put inside of my body, what this could be, what would be okay, acceptable, at least partly...
this whole war every day, it makes me tired, but i can´t stop it
maybe it´s hard to admit, but it´s the only thing i can hold on to...that´s sad, i mean, no other goals, which are important enough? no other things that can fill me, my life?
but me- who´s that? and life - which life?
yes i´m talking sentimental standard-shit, i´m sorry