the letch fucks the fawn

i should go to bed. i´ve slept 3hours last night. and i had a day full of action. but all in all...good...great...beautiful...even though sometimes exhausting...but however:

it was children´s day!
best day of the year.
(at least for me)

because of that i decided not to eat anything (yeah i know that´s what i decide nearly every day) and of course no binge/purge. failure at all! whole day nothing. but evening - fuck
i´m feeling horrible.
i would like to binge/purge again just to stop thinking and feeling anything. but my throat hurts. i really shouldn´t do that
there are these days or moments, which are beautiful, great, whatever. and you can´t really believe that this really happened. but you know it did. and everything is okay for one moment. or some more.
but then
anytime
you can be sure
it will come
the point...where this good feeling turns into something different.
kind of hard sadness.
mixed with something else.
i can´t really describe it
NEVERMIND

well well well well

i want to have this body and this beauty
of children
this thing you can´t really describe, because words will never be enough for that
this special kind of innocence
untouchable
but so dazzling

i want to be an elfin

something, that you see, and it touches you somewhere - deep inside, and you could never find words for that, because it´s so amazing
someone you would never never never like to fuck

my god i´m writing shit
sorry

illusions_fabrications_lies_lies_LIES