nobody even cares

i´m back. since 3weeks or something. senseless. it was all for nothing.
they said the ambulant treatment is important, in the long term.
so, apparently they thought they don´t have to work with me on ANYTHING.
well, what a surprise, nothing changed. it´s even kind of worse than before.
i fell back in depression. everything is so empty. senseless. HOPELESS.
i mean, what should i do now... how can i know that the opportunity of getting better really excists...
however
the eating-thing...hell... i´m not able to decide which direction i should take. so i´m anywhere between. binge/purge every evening. eating nothing at daytime, or only some little things and sometimes i think i have to eat healthy for stop purging. but i can´t. i can´t. i can´t. i can´t get this set-point-body again. i want to loose weight. and somehow i know this is the wrong way. and then i think, everything is a mess, and with this way i have something which keeps me alive...
disaster. that´s what i mean.