_postscript

in fact
i would like to be able to function. i would like to be able to be. i would like to be able to handle my everyday life. this whole eating thing. my feelings. my thoughts.
i would like to be able to exist. i would like to have and to be something which is worth to call it "life".

and i´m trying.
but it seems as if it doesn´t work. maybe it does somehow a little bit, but i´m so focused on everything that doesn´t work...?
i know it takes a long time until anything really changes...but how long...and it´s not sure that it will be better anytime....it´s only an eventuality

i think i should start with antidepressants