everything is different and nothing has changed

i have a picture next to my bed, me as a child, maybe 4 years old, walking on a street, smiling...

when my father saw it, he said, that´s how he remember me - a happy smiling girl.

when i see it, i remember how i felt as a child - sad. bad. too much. a big fail.

sometimes, when i see little children on the street, i wonder how they might feel. and sometimes, just for a moment, it´s so back-breaking sad, to imagine that such little innocent ones must bear such horrible feelings...

right now
still starving
loosing weight
still too much

i´m tired of sadness